Friday, June 26, 2009

Standings? Or something.

Poor Bethany is still in last place.

Personally, I think that if Karin's going to talk smack on Facebook then she should be posting this week's results to the blog group. But...since she's not taking the initiative...and I won last season...I thought I'd post standings.

What's awesome is that I don't know everyone's name, so I'm going to guess. It'll be fun.

1. Johanna: 40 points - I believe Johanna is employed by Fox, and is therefore disqualified
2. Karin: 37 points - for talking smack, you are disqualified
3. Veronica: 36 points - for having an offensive FAFA picture, you are disqualified
4. Dave: 35 points - for trying to use strategy, you are disqualified
5. Rebecca: 30 points - I'm in first place!
6. Rachel: 30 points - you only got 7 points this week so you're behind me in 2nd place
7. Lisa: 29 points
8. Sir Brad: 28 points
9. Adam: 27 points, and still not delivering
10. JayVee (JJ??): 26 points
11. larry77 (Larissa??): 18 points
12. Bethany: 13 points

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ready of Not, Here I Come...

Tonight is tough...(for some of you)

Oscar and her bitch Vitolio are going to SUCK tonight at jazz. The problem is that Vitolio is going to try to cry again, since he got so much mileage out of faking it last week, and that may score him some points. I'm not mean if I want him to suffer an open femur fracture while dancing this week, am I? I despise both of them way too much to pick either of them, even though I think they might get a lot of points.

Kupono is also going to suck at the Viennese Waltz, like he sucks at everything else, which may put Kayla (the best dancer in the world) in the bottom 3 again. He should have gone home last week, instead of Max. What the hell was that? Kupono needs to put 'Sucking at dancing, and acting like a BITCH' on his "list." At least then he'll feel like he accomplished something.

Ade will be perfect at the Rumba, but I don't think Melissa can handle it. All in all, they'll be good.

Evan and Randi are going to have a break-out night with a 'Mia Michaels' contemporary dance. That may get some tears and yells, and what not.

Brandon will probably be pretty good at hip-hop, and his ghetto partner will surprise most people with her 'down and dirtiness.' She won't surprise me though; I've always known she's a dirty whore.

I guess I'm going to have to ditch Kayla, because of Kupono, and I'm going to have to go with a three-meat platter...Evan, Brandon, and Ade.

Update...Psych...I tried, but I couldn't ditch Kayla. I'm going to have to drop Ade with the Rumba.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

STANDINGS 06/18/09

I'd like to call this week, "boo-effing-hoo for me" week. In a move of extreme stupidity, I changed my crap team from Wednesday to an even crappier team for Thursday. I've basically rendered myself the administrator of this group and nothing more.

Feel sorry for me.

Know who's kicking ass? these first three ladies. Karin and Rachel went from the back of the pack to the front in one week. Oh and Lisa went from NOT EVEN playing last week to having almost SIX times as many points as I do.

Feel sorry for me.

1. Johanna -- 27 points -- SIXTH PLACE OVERALL!!!!
2. Rachel -- 22 points
3. Karin -- 21 points
4. Sir Brad -- 20 points - What's going on Brad?
5. Veronika -- 20 points
6. Dave "Chocolate Thunder" -- 19 points
7. Lisa -- 17 points
8. Reb -- 14 points
9. JJ -- 13 points
10. Adam -- 11 points
11. Larissa -- 6 points
12. Bethany -- 3 points - FEEL SORRY FOR ME.


I got worked this week! I just found out I totally suck at this. Actually, I guess I still refuse to admit I's just that the judging and points scoring suck, and I suck at understanding their senseless methods.

About the scoring...

Randi & Evan were told they were built for Jive, but that they didn't do well. They were not told the style suits them. They were told the style should suit them, but it didn't.

Didn't the judges tell Ade that the dance allowed him to show off his strengths? How is that not 'style suits you?'

With Jonathan & Karla, Mary NEVER screams. She let out a little woop, but no scream. We all know what a Mary scream sounds like, and she didn't emit one for them.

Vitolio is an idiot, and he did not cry. Asuka was acting like she was wiping away a tear, but there were no tears. There was A LOT of sweat, but there were no tears.

I can't stand it. I'm about to give up.

I can't believe Max went home. How could the judges possibly favor Kupono over Max. Max isn't great, but Kupono is horrendous. What a DUMB-ASS! I f-ing hate him, and what I hate even more is that he tries to mention his over-played "to-do list" every chance he gets. Somehow, the show thought it was cute that he had a to-do list, and now he's taking it a little too far. The worst part is that he probably won't go home for a while because he'll be paired with Kayla now.

Points Results...Jipped Again...JesinTexas!!

Look at Rachel! 10 points on the week! Quit stealing my insight and doing better than me.

Where's my 'table scrap' points for Max? Last week, Max got points, even though it was Kayla who earned them. I don't like the dude; he just got a lot of points last week for being paired with Kayla. This week I got nothing for Max. I got jipped again; this method of scoring really sucks. Conspiracy! ...just like the NBA!

Check out "JesinTexas"...that chick is not just winning our group; she's 6th overall, in the entire world!


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

STANDINGS 06/18/09

Holy crap and congratulations to Johanna, who is not only kicking our asses, but is #6 overall on all of Fafarazzi...and to the big gainers of the week, Karin and Rachel. Ladies...kicking ass.

1. Johanna -- 23 points
2. Sir Brad -- 18 points
3. Rachel -- 18 points - Firmly pushing her husband out of third place.
4. Adam -- 17 points
5. Karin -- 17 points
6. Veronika -- 16 points
7. Dave "Chocolate Thunder" -- 15 points
8. Reb -- 10 points
9. Larissa -- 10 points
10. Lisa -- 10 points
11. JJ -- 9 points
12. Bethany -- 9 points - OMG, I suck...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Week 2...a little more insight for you undeserving Snow Moders...

Thank La Virgen de Guadalupe that Tony & Paris are gone. It's not Tony's fault that they put him in the top 20, but it's his fault that he's all thumbs with his 3 left feet (I don't even know what that means). Paris had a dance skill or two, in fact, she was probably a better dancer than half the other girls, but she just couldn't control that chin. Her chin was a rather lazy krumper, and she didn't extend the lines of her chin long enough when she waltzed. Oh well...I guess it's back to the pole for Paris. What stage name do you give yourself at the gentlemen's club, when you already have a stripper's name? Gertrude? Delores?

Vitolio and OSCAR are next. Vitolio is typical third world blow-hard guy. He and Asuka almost seem like an intentional disaster. Their unfounded overconfidence synergistically forms a sweetly appauling combination. Look for their complete lack of chemistry to cause someone to fall to the floor.

You can also expect to see Jonathan & Carla back in the bottom three, as well as Jason & Caitlin. They are all 'clown shoes.'

Any one of the other couples stands a chance to do something outstanding, but look for Phillip to take a little criticism this week when he does something other than hip-hop. His lines are going to be too hip-hop-ish, even though he and Jeanine will still frolic in their chemistry (who wouldn't have chemistry with Jeanine, if you know what I'm saying?). Ashley & Kupono are also due for a flop. They're not strong enough to fool people for much longer. Melissa & Ade are good as a couple, but that's just because Ade's one of the best dancers in the whole entire galaxy, and he kind of makes up for Melissa's lack of versatility. She's going to end up crying if she does something like hip-hop.

I'm going with Kayla, of course, because she's the best; Ade, because he's the second best; and Max, because, even though I like him like I like a parasitic infection, he'll get a lot of 'table scrap' points from Kayla (like last week when SHE was placed on the hot tamale train, not Max). Look for me to take a commanding lead in the points total this week.


Friday, June 12, 2009

STANDINGS 06/11/09

There was a point error on Fafa, so scores have been adjusted...but Johanna and Brad are still in the lead. The people who got the most screwed from the adjustment were JJ and I, so the rest of you can suck it.

1. Johanna -- 13 points
2. Sir Brad -- 13 points
3. Adam -- 10 points
4. Dave "Chocolate Thunder" -- 8 points
5. Veronika -- 8 points
6. Rachel -- 8 points
7. Bethany -- 7 points
8. Reb -- 6 points
9. Larissa -- 6 points
10. Karin -- 5 points
11. JJ -- 4 points

Weather is not news

I'm assuming none of the Austinites got to see the last half of SYTYCD elimination show last night live...because telling us about weather conditions that we can observe by looking out our window was more important than letting me watch people dance for their lives.

As soon as they cut to commercial, after announcing the bottom 3 couples, I was rudely interrupted by the local news to tell me that it was raining. They continued to say the 3 same points (there's rain, there's hail, there might be a tornado) for the rest of the show.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

20 Points?...Big Woop...

OK, so a couple of you had a little bit of success in the first week. Need I remind of the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race. I've got ya'll right where I want you. A big win like that will go to your head, then your judgment will start to get clouded, and you'll start getting sloppy. Careful, the fall hurts from up there. Really, I kind of feel sorry for you '20-Pointers.' Ask Britney Spears what 'too much success, too fast' will do to you. Fafarazzi points come and go, but you'll have to live with selling your soul forever. I won't resort to making deals with Lucifer for a few Fafarazzi points...but that's just me, I guess. 20-Pointers make me sick!


STANDINGS 06/10/09

Johanna and Brad have thrown down the gauntlet. Results night will mix things up a bit...but damn. I hope this business is just a bit of beginners' luck.

1. Johanna -- 20 points
2. Sir Brad -- 20 points
3. Adam -- 7 points
4. Bethany -- 6 points
5. Dave "Chocolate Thunder" -- 5 points
6. Veronika -- 5 points
7. Rachel -- 5 points
8. Reb -- 3 points
9. Larissa -- 3 points
10. JJ -- 3 points
11. Karin -- 2 points

Ode to Richard Marx

Much like my love for Michael Bolton, I'm also serious about my love for Richard Marx. Well guess what SYTYCD...tonight you made me love you even more. I didn't know it was possible.

My Intro to Group...Week 1, What You Can Expect Tonight/This Year

It's going to be really tough for me to avoid ruffling some feathers in this group, because the bottom line is, I pretty much know everything about this subject. And, really this group is a little beneath me, but I'll play along.

Look...this week will be the first chance for most of you to get an idea of what the dancers are about, but I already know what they're all about. At the risk of helping some of you less astute participants, I'll discuss some of what you can expect to see tonight in SYTYCD (you stand no chance of beating me anyway).

The best couples this week are going to be Jeanine & Evan, Asuka & Ade, Randy & Phillip, and Janette & Brandon. Brandon is annoying, and they'll critique him more harshly than the other contestants, but he'll still be impressive, especially in this first week. Randy & Phillip won't be THAT great, but they'll be really likable, and the judges will be impressed with their ambition and progress. In fact, Phillip will receive criticism for not being able to abandon his "locking" movements. Asuka will be a disappointment, but Ade will come through and be this year's "Josh." Jeanine & Evan will just be great. Neither of them can win individually, but together, they'll get pretty far.

Hot chicks...Jeanine is the hottest girl on this show. She may be the hottest girl that has ever been on this show. Ashley is also really hot, but not quite as hot as Jeanine. Wooof...Jeanine is hot! Ashley won't make it very far. She's partnered with Vitolio, who is a total tool, and both of them are just average. They even stand a chance of having the worst chemistry, next to Caitlin & Jonathan. Kayla is the next hottest girl on this show. She stands a chance of winning this whole thing, but she'll be hindered for the first few weeks by Tony. She may even win negative points for being dropped by Tony. Kayla will dominate, but she'll also have to dance for her life, because of that dumb-ass Tony, who should have never been on this show. I don't normally like bleached-blondes, but she's got very white skin, which makes up for the hair.

'Not hot' girls include Janette, who's very trashy; Paris, who reminds me of all strippers and has a chin like Leno (she'll also lose likability points being paired with Jason, who is a little stale); Caitlin, who appears to be a 48-year old meth addict, who should not have beat her sister to get into the top 20; and Asuka, who is just a little too skinny, and worst of all, she thinks she's extremely hot.

Melissa & Kupano will be the biggest disappointment of this season, followed by Caitlin & Jonathan. Neither Caitlin nor Jonathan stand a chance of breaking the top 14. Ashley & Vitolio may have a few 'worst of the night' performances, and neither of them will make it into the top 10. They'll have terrible chemistry, because Vitolio is a duche-bag.

As a couple, Randy & Phillip will probably annoy me the most, because the judges will not critique them as harshly as all the other contestants; and Jeanine & Evan will be the most pleasant to watch (see 'hot chicks' comments above).

Max will be a typical, Euro-trashy kind of dude who just barely does enough to not get eliminated. His partner, Karla will also be 'just OK.' Vitolio will annoy the shit out of me, and everyone else, everytime he opens his mouth, and we'll lose Ashley, one of the hottest girls on the show, because of his annoying mouth.

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but Tony can't dance at all. He's horrendous. The judges will wish they could keep him, but he'll just suck way too bad. Who knows...maybe people will vote for him because Kayla is bad-ass, and he did a kind-of funny, but mostly not funny, dance one time, in which he was obsessed with Nigel...he, he, he, he.

With any luck, Ade can shed Asuka, Kayla can shed Tony, and Kayla and Ade can hook up and skate to the final 4. I really want to see Jeanine & Kayla in the final four so that they can do that girl-girl dance together...mmm...mmm...mmm.

So there you have it. I'm sorry I have to be so right all the time. Sometimes I wish I could just fit in with the rest of you and be wrong sometimes, but being wrong is too difficult for me.


I hate Asuka, which means I have a feeling she'll do well